I’ve grown up evangelical and have been on staff and/or pastored within Southern Baptist and nondenominational churches. And in my time on staff at those places, I’ve witnessed, perpetuated, and experienced the damage that your approach can do.

No matter how gently you try to come at this — no matter how nice your words sound or how much you smile at your gay student — you are teaching them that a) they are uniquely more broken than the straight kids in your youth group; b) their God-given attraction is shameful and not a part of who they are; c) if they continue to experience a yearning for romance/sex with someone of their own gender, that’s just their cross to bear.

I understand the seven verses you’re using as a foundation for your theological position on this. I would ask you to carefully reconsider those verses in light of both books like God & The Gay Christian and Those Seven References, and also the lived experiences of LGBTQ Christians.

My own experience in this has been pretty traumatizing — I fought who I was for years in order to keep my job and place in my churches; at the same time, I was experiencing severe depression, anxiety, dissociation, and suicidal ideation. I tried your way because I though that’s what I needed to do to be close to God — and thank God I learned how wrong it was. I came out and lost my job, my church community, and relationships with people I miss dearly to this day. But I didn’t lose God, and I am thriving for the first time in my life because I found a church that accepts people for who they are while calling them to the way of radical justice and love.

I’m not looking for debate and do not plan on responding to any replies. Please just take a step back and seek out stories of LGBTQ people who have left the church because of what this approach — no matter how thoughtful you try to make it — has done to them. Please don’t uphold your theology at the expense of people’s well-being.

Thanks for your contribution.

Thanks for your contribution.

I do find it a bit strange that this article says the church is silent on the issue. Actually the church has been loud and clear to the point that studies show many young people have a negative view of Christianity because they perceive it as anti-gay. Most young Christians who have same-sex attraction struggle with a lot of self-loathing precisely because they know (or think they know) what the church thinks about them.

The problem is not silence. The problem is that the church is not talking about the issue in a helpful way. The church thinks that by handing down a moral code that is all it needs to do. But the issues are much more complex than that. The fact is there are now more compelling gay affirming books written by Christian theologians than there are for the non-affirming side. The affirming side is much more educated on the biblical arguments, the science of it all etc. I know one gal who became affirming because after talking to her pastor all he could say was “Its wrong.” She was desperate for answers so went to another progressive pastor down the street who could engage more in-depth discussion on the issues. I also know another young person who, without telling her parents or anyone, struggled within herself and determined she would have to reject Christianity because she could not change her feelings, and if she couldn’t be both gay and Christian and she couldn’t change the gay part, it meant she had to drop her faith.

While Jr. High/High Schoolers are too young to be putting themselves in boxes in terms of sexual orientation, it is sobering to realize that many people do not experience change in sexual orientation. Thus, to live faithfully will mean life-long celibacy. That is too much for a teenager to face. But its something that church leaders need to have in the back of their minds. Currently there is very little support in the church those facing life-long celibacy.

Also, I find this post by a mother of a gay son who was raised evangelical to be sobering regarding some of the issues. I am noticing more Christian parents becoming affirming because they see this struggle and pain upfront. See here: http://justbecausehebreathes.com/ Having read this article, what would we do differently? I would suggest one of the problems was a focus on trying to change sexual orientation and the failure for that to happen led to despair. They focused, perhaps, too much on the issue. But its a difficult situation to know how to respond to especially when they seemed to try to do everything right.

I do find it a bit strange that this article says the church is silent on the issue. Actually the church has been loud and clear to the point that studies show many young people have a negative view of Christianity because they perceive it as anti-gay. Most young Christians who have same-sex attraction struggle with a lot of self-loathing precisely because they know (or think they know) what the church thinks about them.

The problem is not silence. The problem is that the church is not talking about the issue in a helpful way. The church thinks that by handing down a moral code that is all it needs to do. But the issues are much more complex than that. The fact is there are now more compelling gay affirming books written by Christian theologians than there are for the non-affirming side. The affirming side is much more educated on the biblical arguments, the science of it all etc. I know one gal who became affirming because after talking to her pastor all he could say was “Its wrong.” She was desperate for answers so went to another progressive pastor down the street who could engage more in-depth discussion on the issues. I also know another young person who, without telling her parents or anyone, struggled within herself and determined she would have to reject Christianity because she could not change her feelings, and if she couldn’t be both gay and Christian and she couldn’t change the gay part, it meant she had to drop her faith.

While Jr. High/High Schoolers are too young to be putting themselves in boxes in terms of sexual orientation, it is sobering to realize that many people do not experience change in sexual orientation. Thus, to live faithfully will mean life-long celibacy. That is too much for a teenager to face. But its something that church leaders need to have in the back of their minds. Currently there is very little support in the church those facing life-long celibacy.

Also, I find this post by a mother of a gay son who was raised evangelical to be sobering regarding some of the issues. I am noticing more Christian parents becoming affirming because they see this struggle and pain upfront. See here: http://justbecausehebreathes.com/ Having read this article, what would we do differently? I would suggest one of the problems was a focus on trying to change sexual orientation and the failure for that to happen led to despair. They focused, perhaps, too much on the issue. But its a difficult situation to know how to respond to especially when they seemed to try to do everything right.